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Seventy

On to number 71

SEVENTY

70 mice in a pillow case.
70 spots on a greasy face.
70 wasps in a jar of jam.
70 rats in a babies pram.
70 bones in an open grave.
70 skulls in an empty cave.
70 fleas on a mad stray dog.
70 shoes in a stinking bog.
70 lies in an MP's mouth.
70 magpies flying south.

70 nails in a coffin lid.
70 pennies in a quid.
70 grey hairs on a head.
70 children in one bed.
70 whiskies in a man.
70 cops in a big black van.
70 prisoners in a cell.
70 rings on a funeral bell.
70 reasons all for No.
70 turds in a bedroom po.

70 lovebites on a neck.
70 sailors in a wreck.
70 holes in a fishing-net.
70 goals in the back of the net.
70 words on a toilet wall.
70 strangers in the hall.
70 wolves at a pig's front door.
70 hours with a world class bore.
70 kittens in a well.
70 ways to go to Hell.

70 cows on an abattoir hook.
70 poems in an Oxbridge book.
70 girls in a beauty show.
70 footprints in fresh snow.
70 words in a suicide note.
70 pills in a dead man's throat.
70 clues in a murder enquiry.
70 lunch dates in a diary.
70 demands from the Income Tax.
70 pages in one fax.

70 hangovers in one year.
70 earrings in one ear.
70 calls on the ansaphone.
70 dogs without a bone.
70 sheep on the motorway.
70 suitcases for going away.
70 candles on one cake.
70 tries at the same mistake.
70 journalists in a bar.
70 astronauts on a star.

70 flags on a government roof.
70 per cent (pure alcohol) proof.
70 fag ends on a plate.
70 maggots for live bait.
70 needles in the gutter.
70 ants in yellow butter.
70 soft-boiled eggs for tea.
70 squirrels in a hazelnut tree.
70 moles on a putting-green.
70 heirs to the reigning queen.

70 nuns in a taxi queue.
70 men in the ladies loo.
70 steps to the hangman's noose.
70 flies in the apple juice.
70 ferrets in a pair of jeans.
70 boys all eating beans.
70 morris dancers on the lawn.
70 toes all with a corn.
70 sandwiches filled with cucumber.
70 ain't my favourite number.

Carol Ann Duffy

Human life-span ('twas said in times past)
Is three score years and ten - things change fast!
Now that modern advances
Increase our life chances
SEVENTY's quite often surpassed

A Stanton

AntarcticaAntarctica contains 70% of the world's fresh water (in the form of ice).

Arcturus is the fourth brightest star in the sky. It is 70 times more luminous than our sun.

Bell laboratories in the USA has averaged a patent every day for 70 years.

70% of Sudan's electricity comes from a single dam.

The Bayeax tapestry is 70 metres long.

70% of AIDS cases have been in Africa.

The dinosaurs are widely believed to have been wiped out by a meteorite that crashed into the Earth 70 million years ago.

The Romans destroyed Jerusalem in 70 AD.

Oak treeCowthrope Oak tree, near Wetherby, Yorkshire will hold 70 people in its hollow. It is said to be over 1,600 years old.

The hump and harness costume used in the silent movie 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame' weighed 70 pounds. This was for added realism.

Cheetahs are the world's fastest mammals. They can run at 70 miles per hour, but only for distances of about 400 yards.

Up to 70% of vitamin C is lost when vegetables are steam cooked.

The speed limit on British motorways is 70 miles per hour (since 1965).

HockeyA game of hockey lasts 70 minutes.

The Poet Laureate receives a stipend of 70 a year.

A person who has lived for 70 years is called a septuagenarian.

The lowest temperature ever recorded was - 70 degrees centigrade in Yakutsk, Russia.

UK speed limit on motorways and dual carriageways is 70 miles per hour.

A 70th anniversary is a platinum anniversary.